Cosmic Kindergarten: Lesson 3: STOP COMPARING; YOU ARE UNIQUE

In my series titled Cosmic Kindergarten: Earthly Lessons for a Heavenly Life on Earth, we have come to lesson 3. The earth has certain characteristics, rules, and patterns to it. If we can learn from them we will be much better of. Why should we pay attention to that? Because we are part of the earth. We are guests on this planet.

Imagine living as a guest in somebody's house. And let's say, there are 3 main house rules. 1) Don't smoke inside the house, 2) make sure the doors are closed so that the dog won't escape and 3) don't mess with the temperature controls. If you follow those rules, your stay will be happy and harmonious. On the other hand, if you start smoking inside and carelessly leave the door opened and the dog runs away, or you are constantly playing with the AC controls, there is going to be conflict and unease and your stay is going to be very unpleasant.

Similarly, the earth is our home. It has some rules, or lessons as I call them. The first lesson is that the earth embraces and celebrates diversity. We need to embrace it too. We can't fight against diversity around us and expect us to be happy residents of the planet. The second lesson is that everything and everyone on earth is interconnected and interdependent. If you think you can do all by yourself and engage in hyper individualism, without no regard for the community aspect of life, you are going to be miserable.

Today I like to reflect on the third lesson which is stop comparing yourself to anyone else.

It is a hard lesson to learn, because when we look around, all we see is inequality. Unequal on so many levels: size, shape, color, health, looks, education, fortunes,etc.

But the truth is that all these differences are external. There is always somebody ahead of you and somebody behind you in all those measures. There is always somebody in the world who is better looking than you, but there is also somebody who is less attractive than you. There is somebody who is richer, but also somebody who is poorer. There is somebody with more money, but also somebody with less. The list is endless. But there is no one like you in the whole world. So stop comparing you to others. It is an exercise in futility that will end up in frustration.

On the level of our humanity, all of us are equal, special and unique. If you can learn that lesson once and for all, you can get rid of feelings of envy and jealousy which plague so many people. You can get rid of 3 of the 7 deadly sins or capital sins as the Church calls them. You can get rid of pride, envy, anger. The other four being greed, lust, gluttony and sloth.

This is a lesson planet earth can teach us. To understand this lesson, think of the shape of the planet. God created it in round shape rather than square or triangular shape for a reason. There is a lesson in that.

Think of a Ferris wheel at a carnival. There are ten buckets on the wheel and there are two people in each bucket. Jim and Jane, who just started the ride, look up and see Sam and Sue sitting in the top bucket and they feel jealous of their superior position only to realize in the next minute, they are on the top and Sam and Sue are at the bottom.

While enjoying the exhilaration of being on top, they also begin to feel the loss of their peak experience as the wheel continues to turn.

Regarding positions and possessions, you will always be inferior to some and superior to others, but on the level of the soul, words like superior and inferior don’t matter.

True humility and true self-esteem are based on that awareness.

The circular nature of the Ferris wheel reminds us that there is really no one who is above us or beneath us, in front of us or behind us, but we are all in this together.

Concepts like up and down, front and back, high and low, beginning and ending are all meaningless illusions in a circular universe.

As inhabitants of a round shaped planet, we should see through the hollow nature of such illusions and live wholesome lives.

I told you that awareness of living on a circular planet can help you get rid of three major capital sins—pride, envy and anger. You are prideful because you are physically more beautiful than your friends and neighbors, or you have more money than they have, or your house is bigger than theirs, or your car is a better brand than theirs, or your children are more successful than theirs. When those prideful thoughts go through your mind, you should also realize that there are many other people in the world who are more handsome than you, their houses and cars are better than yours; there are people in the world with more money than you have. So when you are proud of what you have, you are also envious because you have less than somebody else.

When you think that others are ahead of you, you feel envious of them. You feel anger and resentment, and as a result you feel depressed. You are lacking in joy, your smile disappears from your face, you feel morbidly happy about the misfortunes of others. You feel envious when your neighbor's kid goes to an out-of-state ivy league college and your's goes to the local community college.

Who do you compare with? The person in front of you or the one behind you? If you compare yourself with the one in front of you, there is always somebody, in front of that person and another after that...so who is a point of reference? It is the same if you go backwards.

As inhabitants of a round planet, we shouldn't be thinking in terms of ahead or behind, up or down. We shouldn't be comparing ourselves with anybody else, because in a circular world, it is an endless loop.

I learned this important life lesson when I had to deal with the disability of my son Johnny. As most of you know, he is autistic. He was diagnosed at the age of 3. He is 26 years old now. He cannot engage in meaningful conversations. He can't drive. He cannot be left alone at home for long periods of time. He needs supervision and guidance. He is under our guardianship because he cannot manage his affairs. He won't be dating, or marrying or having a family of his own. Basically, Johnny is 26 going on 3 emotionally and intellectually.

I used to compare him with our next door neighbor Daniel who is only four months older than Johnny. As a normal kid, he played sports, at age 16 he learned to drive, at 18 he graduated from high school. For the next four years he went to UF in Gainsville, graduated with a degree in engineering. He drives a sports car. Last year, he moved in with his girl friend who is doing a PhD program and on April 2^nd this year they got married. Daniel's parents are empty nesters. They can come and go as they please. They don't have to worry about finding a “babysitter” for their 26 year old as my wife and I have to.

So when I compare Johnny with Daniel, there is much to be desired. They live in two very separate worlds. Feelings of envy and sadness are inevitable. And every now and then, I have them.

But, then I catch myself and do a backward comparison with Brandon who was with my son Johnny in the YMCA program. Brandon was Johnny's age and he has down syndrome. He is in a wheel chair. At five o clock when the after school program ends, I have watched Brandon's dad, David, coming to take his son home. He parks his car, goes in and wheels his son to the car. Then he opens the passenger side and lifts his son from the wheel chair and helps him into the car. The boy is little heavy-set and it does a number on David's back each time he has to lift him. He is not even capable of fastening his seat belt.

Once Brandon is securely in, David pushes the wheel chair to the back of his SUV, opens the trunk, folds the wheel chair, puts it in, closes the door and drives home. It takes at least 15 minutes to move his son from point A to point B.

When I see what David has to deal with, I thank God thinking how blessed I am with Johnny. When I go to pick him up, I don't even have to get out of my car. I just honk once, and he comes out and in 15 seconds he is inside my car, buckled up and ready to go. He is independent in many ways. I don't have to do anything for his personal care.

Nobody is better, nobody is worse. Nobody is high, nobody is low. Nobody is ahead, nobody is behind. Nobody is up, nobody is down. It is all an illusion. We are inhabitants on a round shaped planet. In a circular universe those words are meaningless.

The scripture passage that deepens this third earthly lesson is Psalm. 139 14:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139 describes some of God’s attributes. He knows everything (v.1-6), His Spirit is present throughout the universe (v.7-12) and each person is created by Him (v.13-16). The verse before and after Psalm 139:14 describe the development of a baby from conception. This caused David to praise God for His power and skill and exclaim that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (139:14).

The Hebrew word that is translated “fearfully” is yare. It means “to be in awe.” To be “fearfully” made means to be “awesomely” made.

When God created us, He made us exactly the way He planned. When He designed us, He planned our size, the color of our eyes, the color of our skin, everything about us! The psalmist says: “When I was woven together in the depths of he earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.”

You came out of the womb of mother earth, to be a unique, physical, local, manifestation of the Divine. Disclaiming that and comparing yourself to others is a denial of the divinity within you.

There is story about Zusha, the great Chassidic master, who lay crying on his deathbed. His students asked him, "Rebbe, why are you so sad? After all the mitzvahs and good deeds you have done, you will surely get a great reward in heaven!"

"I'm afraid!" said Zusha. “because when I get to heaven, I know God's not going to ask me 'Why weren't you more like Moses?' or 'Why weren't you more like King David?'
But I'm afraid that God will ask “Zusha, why weren't you more like Zusha?'

And then what will I say?

You don't want to feel like this Rabbi...celebrate the person that God created you to be...don't compare yourself to anybody else on this planet, because among the 7 billion plus people on planet earth, there is no one like you.