For a split seismic second, my soon-to-be Medicare-age male ego fluttered, flushed and felt faintly flattered—and flattened fast. I knew that the bikini-clad pictures the woman was texting me were not meant for me. It was an electronic error of a grieving widow who felt moribund and mortified about sending them to the priest who had conducted the memorial service for her husband two days earlier.
Jenny’s husband Jerry was 50 years old when he died of liver cancer. She honored him with a memorial service for his friends and family. The day after the service, I received a text from Jenny: “Thank you so much, pastor Paul for the service on Saturday. It was spiritual and touching; Jerry would have liked it.”
And I texted back: “Thank you Jenny. Glad to be able to help. I pray that God and Jerry’s angel help you move forward.”
That was it. I had moved forward.
The next day I received two photos of Jenny in bikini with a message in Spanish: Tengo q bajar los gorditos,jijiji. (I have to lose my love-handles,hahaha). My Spanish-ignorant brain thought it was something naughty.
Instantly, I showed the text and the pictures to my wife Judy, because I had nothing to hide. It is always a safe thing to do, to prove your innocence and maintain marital peace. I was as surprised as she was. Judy looked up the Spanish dictionary to find out the meaning of the message. It was innocent. Jenny was talking about getting rid of her love handles. I had a sigh of relief especially for Jenny’s sake.
Just as I had suspected, it was a misdirected text. While we were looking up the Spanish dictionary, my phone rang. It was Jenny. Her voice was quivering. She apologized profusely for sending those pictures to me. I allayed her anxiety and told her: “Don’t worry about it; this happens all the time; it was an innocent mistake; don’t be too hard on yourself; I just deleted them; be at peace.”
I told her about my faux pas, once sending a text message to my female boss: “Will pick you up after work and let us go for dinner first and for shopping later.” Of course, it was meant for my wife, but in my hurried, not-paying-attention-mode, I sent it to my boss. We both laughed out loud about our embarrassing electronic errors. Jenny was relieved that I didn’t mishandle the situation.
Jenny had texted the pictures to her girl friend, inviting her to go to the pool to exercise so that she can get rid of her love handles. . Since she didn’t hear back from her friend for hours, she wondered if she had gotten the message. So Jenny went back to her phone and checked and she almost fainted when she realized that the text had gone to my phone. She told me that she was sweating bullets before calling me. She was embarrassed and ashamed about sending her pictures in beach attire to a priest, especially a priest whom she had met once, who had just officiated a memorial service for her deceased husband.
The Information super highway is a good place to travel. It takes you to your destinations fast and easy. But, like any speed-way, wrecks are common and some of them can be deadly. Jenny’s was not.
It is always a good policy not to send any pictures to anybody unless it is a picture that you don’t mind the public to see. We also need to be extremely careful about what we write in our texts and emails. Unlike on a paper where we can go back and erase, correct and control, electronic transmissions, once the “send” button is clicked, are beyond your control. The unintended consequences of a hurried message or an image sent carelessly or in anger, can be unpredictable and sometimes, even dangerous.
Pay attention; be alert; take a deep breath; slow down. Take an extra second, and check twice before you click that “send” button on your electronic devices. It can save a lot of grief.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
IT DEPENDS
During a talk at a church in Miami Lakes, two years ago, I asked a question: “Is it wrong to to be romantically involved with another person, while still being married to your spouse?
The room erupted in a collective gasp. They couldn't believe that I would ask such a question.
Slowly the group members began to respond. “The answer is Yes, that would be morally wrong” said one. “That is called adultery in my book,”said another. “Get a divorce first” another. Someone said, “It's OK if your wife gives you permission.” The consensus of the group was that it is the wrong thing to do. “Immoral, cruel, selfish, cheating” were some of the other words used to describe such a behavior.
What is your answer Paul, asked someone and I said: “It depends.”
Another gasp in the room. They couldn't believe their ears. Some of them thought I had drifted off the moral rails and fallen into a sludge of sin. You may be thinking that right now. I don't blame you, because “it depends” is at the outset, a “wishy-washy” answer. It sounds like an appallingly responsible answer when marital fidelity is in question, especially coming from a man of the cloth.
Before you judge me any further, hear me out: Let me tell you a story.
Jim and Jill were hospice patients on my team. They were residents of an Alzheimer’s unit in an Assisted Living Facility. They were among the twenty five patients living in a locked unit. They are mostly bed ridden, but sometimes they sit in their wheel chairs. They were in their early seventies and they have been diagnosed over five years. They were non-verbal but sometimes responded to a squeeze on the arm with a weak smile. They sit in their wheel chairs for hours, staring at the bare walls of the facility. Their daily routine mostly consists of three meals a day, three diaper changes and mostly sleep. One caregiver described her father as an “eating, pooping, sleeping machine.”
Alzheimers is one one hardest diseases to watch. It is a progressively degenerative disease that can be long and drawn out. As the patient goes through the ravages of the disease, it can take a huge toll on the caregivers. Alzheimers afflicts the individual patient, but affects the entire family. There is a book called The 36 hour day describing the challenges and hardships of caring for Alzheimers patients. The title says it all.
Jim and Jill had devoted spouses. Jim’s wife, Maria visited three or four times a week. She also attended the support group for spouses on Thursdays. They have been married for 54 years. Maria grieved the loss of her “amazing husband” to this “wretched disease.” Their plan of retiring together and traveling were all dashed. She felt like a crypt-widow among her couple friends, because, for all practical purposes, her husband was “dead’ but not exactly. After every visit, Maria returned to an empty home with a lonely heart.
Jill's husband, Matt is also a very devoted spouse. They have been married for 57 years. Jill had an early diagnosis of Alzheimer’s at age 63. Matt took care of his wife in the house with assistance from round-the-clock aides for ten years before placing her in the Alzheimer's unit. He was not too happy to do that, but caring for his wife in the house became emotionally stressful and financially unfeasible. He would visit daily, sit next to her, holding her hands. He would talk to her tenderly, stroke her hair gently and whisper, “I love you honey” into her ears, before the parting kiss. Matt always talked about the wonderful life they had before the disease struck her.
Maria’s and Matt’s paths crossed several times while they were visiting their spouses. They attended the same support group. They were experiencing the same loss; they were fighting the same enemy; they were undergoing the same crisis; they spoke the same language; they felt the same pain; they were on the same ground; they traveled the same road; they swam in the same emotional ocean; they were in the same proverbial boat!
Their agonizing stories of loss and pain brought them together. After the support group meeting on Thursdays, they went out for coffee together; then it was dinner together and walks on the beach two miles away from Facility where their respective spouses lived.
Matt was a realist. He talked about his wife being no more present in Jill. “She is existing, not living” he told me. He must have been rationalizing to assuage any sense of guilt he might have had for being close to another woman while his wife was still alive.
Maria too had her moments of guilt but she assuaged them by thinking that if the shoe were on the other foot, her husband would not have behaved any differently than what she was doing.
On September 18, 2010, Maria’s husband died. I officiated at the funeral. Matt was at the service comforting Maria. Matt's wife, Jill, died the same year on December 3rd. She was cremated. I had the privilege of doing a memorial service for her in the club house at Matt's condo.
Few months after the death of their respective spouses, Maria sold her house and moved in with Matt.
In January 2012, I received a phone call from Matt. “Guess what chaplain Paul, Maria and I are thinking about getting married and we want you to marry us; you know our story more than anyone else.”
I was delighted that two souls had found each other again…that their common pain had brought them together and their lives—what is left of it—does not have to be lived in isolation and loneliness.
On March 18, 2012, I officiated the marriage of Matt and Maria near the Deer field Beach pier surrounded by their immediate family.
Matt was 82 and Maria was 78. While signing their marriage license, Matt and Maria might have been signing on to a new lease on their lives—and seeing the light of love again, at the end of the dark tunnel of illness, suffering, sadness and loss.
Life is very often, messy, complex and complicated. Most life situations are mired in mystery, riddled with difficult choices and pulled in different directions by competing claims and dilemmas. None of us will ever fully know what another person is going through, what challenges they are facing, what hardships they are enduring, or what pain they are experiencing. That is why Jesus said: “Do not judge and you will not be judged; Do no condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”
Apostle Paul repeats that advise in his letter to the Romans: “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.”
I think “it depends” is a good phrase to remember when faced with the quandaries and mysteries of life.
We live in a world where, most people see life as black and white. Living in the gray area is very uncomfortable for many. They want an “yes or no” answer to their questions. “It depends” is not an acceptable answer. According to them, abortion is always wrong; gay marriage should never be allowed; it is against the sanctify of marriage. Children should have both a mother and a father. They forget that the “sanctity of marriage” is callously disgraced in 50% of cases due to divorce. They forget that 45 percent of children in this country grow up in single parent homes. They forget that King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines.
According to them, living in the gray area of life is being morally lax and, responding to life's questions with “it depends” is a wishy-washy approach.
If so, Jesus is the most morally lax and wishy-washy person who ever lived.
Jesus rarely gave a straightforward answer to any question. When the Pharisees asked “Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” he did not say pay taxes or don't pay taxes. He asked them to bring a coin. Instead of answering yes or no, he asked them a question: “Whose portrait is it? “Cesar's,” they replied. And Jesus said: “Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's”-- an open answer that can be broadly interpreted.
Let us look at the story of the woman caught in adultery brought before Jesus. (John 8). The Pharisees gathered around the woman with stones in their hands, ready to stone her to death. They wanted an Yes or No answer from Jesus. If Jesus had said: “Yes, go ahead and stone her,” they could brand him a heartless, cruel man. If he had said, No, they could accuse him of not following the law.
The law is clear. Leviticus 20: 10 and Deuteronomy 22.22 says the same thing: “If a man commits adultery with another man's wife both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.”
It would have been so easy for Jesus to quote the law, answer the question and get out of there.
But, what did Jesus say: At first, he says nothing; he gives no answer. “Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger.” By not giving them a right or wrong answer, Jesus must have been encouraging them to think about the situation a little.
Think about why is it always the woman's fault? Why didn't they catch the man involved in this event? Where is he? How could they forget that Abram committed adultery with his maid-servant from which Ismail was born? How could they ignore that king David committed adultery with his soldier's wife and he was not stoned. How could they forget that Solomon had 700 concubines? Is this one poor woman more guilty than any of those men? Or is it because they are all men in powerful positions? There are so many questions and issues to consider before stoning a woman to death. Jesus must have been thinking about all that! Jesus was forcing the Pharisees to stretch their minds to see the facts and open their hearts towards compassion.
If you read the story, you will see that Jesus was not going to give an answer at all. But the Pharisees were persistent. When they kept on questioning him” he said to them:
“Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone...” and we know what happened. That was an “it depends answer” an answer that led to profound soul searching for the Pharisees and everyone one put their stones down and quietly left, leaving the woman alone.
The story reminds me of Pope Francis' response to the question about homosexuality. He said: “Who am I to judge? It is such a departure from his predecessor. Pope Benedict who was so sure about how bad it is. He said: “ homosexuality is intrinsically disordered.”
How about this one? While Jesus was teaching, some one asked him: (Lk: 13) “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved? He did not answer that question like a Jehovah's witness. According to them only 144,000 will be saved when the rapture happens. He did not answer like an evangelical preacher. According to him, only those who believe in Jesus will be saved. This is the answer Jesus gave:
“People will come from east and west and north and south, and will take their places at the feast in the kingdom of God.” It is a very open ended, general, wishy-washy answer. The phrase east and west, north and south, means there are no national, religious, ethnic or cultural boundaries. There are no requirements, qualifications, or credentials needed to sit at the feast in the kingdom of God.
When it comes to salvation, many people can't handle that answer. They want a clear-cut answer, a definite answer. Are you going to be saved or not? Few years ago, while discussing this issue in a Bible class, one lady said “I don't want to go a heaven where everybody else goes.” She was so sure that she was going to heaven, but her Muslim neighbor was not.
And then Jesus adds this line to the answer about people coming from east and west: “Indeed there are those who are last who will be first and first who will be last.” That is a bombshell statement that shakes the very foundation of human calculations, assumptions, presumptions and planning. We think that if we work hard, believe the right things, play by the rules, we should be rewarded. Not necessarily, it depends...
Before the crucifixion, Pilate asked a question to Jesus: “Are you the king of the Jews?” (J 18). He didn't answer yes or no. Instead, Jesus asked Pilate: “Is that your own idea or did others talk to you about me? Then Pilate asked: “What is it that you have done? Again, there is no clear answer from Jesus: He said:”My kingdom is not of this world? Pilate was so frustrated with Jesus that he was not answering any of this questions with a yes or a no.
At the end Pilate asked Jesus, “What is truth”? He didn't even wait for an answer from Jesus, because, he knew he was not going to get one,because it is such a loaded question.
What is truth? What is the truth about life, death, life after death? What is the truth about other people's lives and what they may be going through in any particular moment? What is the truth about why people do what they do”?
We think we know, but we don't. We pass judgments based on what we think and know, but our thinking could be so off base and our knowledge could be incomplete or wrong.
Always remember that absolute answers are available only in areas science and math. For example if you add two atoms of hydrogen and one atom of oxygen you will get a molecule of water; you can do that in Australia, Alaska or Alabama, the result will be the same. Or you add 2 and 4 the result will be 4, be that in India, Indonesia or Indianapolis. By the way, I have to tell you that a friend of mine once told me that 2 and 2 does not add up to 4 always. “It depends” he said, and I asked: “How come?” And he said, “it depends if I am buying or selling. If I am buying it is 3 and if I am selling it is 4.” So, even in math, nothing is absolute!
The point is that, please know that life does not neatly fit into any scientific or mathematical formula. Life is messy and it rarely fits any precalculated patterns. Have the humility to admit that we know very little and the little we know could be wrong.
Socrates was one of the smartest philosophers of all time. His favorite saying was:
“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”
As disciples, we are called to be like Jesus. Thinking like Socrates is not bad either.
We are called to put on the mind of Christ? What is a Christ-like mind?
It is open, flexible, loving, gentle, generous, compassionate, non judgmental, forgiving and unconditionally loving.
Let us pray:
Lord help us to stretch our minds and hearts to the four corners of the earth to include all our brothers and sisters in our circle of concern. Make us realize that our knowledge is incomplete, our vision is limited, our opinions are biased, and our viewpoints are only views from a point. Help us resist the temptation to judge people without knowing the facts and make our hearts compassionate enough to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Inspire us to replace our narrow, limited, biased minds with the generous, flexible and non-judgmental mind of Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen.
The room erupted in a collective gasp. They couldn't believe that I would ask such a question.
Slowly the group members began to respond. “The answer is Yes, that would be morally wrong” said one. “That is called adultery in my book,”said another. “Get a divorce first” another. Someone said, “It's OK if your wife gives you permission.” The consensus of the group was that it is the wrong thing to do. “Immoral, cruel, selfish, cheating” were some of the other words used to describe such a behavior.
What is your answer Paul, asked someone and I said: “It depends.”
Another gasp in the room. They couldn't believe their ears. Some of them thought I had drifted off the moral rails and fallen into a sludge of sin. You may be thinking that right now. I don't blame you, because “it depends” is at the outset, a “wishy-washy” answer. It sounds like an appallingly responsible answer when marital fidelity is in question, especially coming from a man of the cloth.
Before you judge me any further, hear me out: Let me tell you a story.
Jim and Jill were hospice patients on my team. They were residents of an Alzheimer’s unit in an Assisted Living Facility. They were among the twenty five patients living in a locked unit. They are mostly bed ridden, but sometimes they sit in their wheel chairs. They were in their early seventies and they have been diagnosed over five years. They were non-verbal but sometimes responded to a squeeze on the arm with a weak smile. They sit in their wheel chairs for hours, staring at the bare walls of the facility. Their daily routine mostly consists of three meals a day, three diaper changes and mostly sleep. One caregiver described her father as an “eating, pooping, sleeping machine.”
Alzheimers is one one hardest diseases to watch. It is a progressively degenerative disease that can be long and drawn out. As the patient goes through the ravages of the disease, it can take a huge toll on the caregivers. Alzheimers afflicts the individual patient, but affects the entire family. There is a book called The 36 hour day describing the challenges and hardships of caring for Alzheimers patients. The title says it all.
Jim and Jill had devoted spouses. Jim’s wife, Maria visited three or four times a week. She also attended the support group for spouses on Thursdays. They have been married for 54 years. Maria grieved the loss of her “amazing husband” to this “wretched disease.” Their plan of retiring together and traveling were all dashed. She felt like a crypt-widow among her couple friends, because, for all practical purposes, her husband was “dead’ but not exactly. After every visit, Maria returned to an empty home with a lonely heart.
Jill's husband, Matt is also a very devoted spouse. They have been married for 57 years. Jill had an early diagnosis of Alzheimer’s at age 63. Matt took care of his wife in the house with assistance from round-the-clock aides for ten years before placing her in the Alzheimer's unit. He was not too happy to do that, but caring for his wife in the house became emotionally stressful and financially unfeasible. He would visit daily, sit next to her, holding her hands. He would talk to her tenderly, stroke her hair gently and whisper, “I love you honey” into her ears, before the parting kiss. Matt always talked about the wonderful life they had before the disease struck her.
Maria’s and Matt’s paths crossed several times while they were visiting their spouses. They attended the same support group. They were experiencing the same loss; they were fighting the same enemy; they were undergoing the same crisis; they spoke the same language; they felt the same pain; they were on the same ground; they traveled the same road; they swam in the same emotional ocean; they were in the same proverbial boat!
Their agonizing stories of loss and pain brought them together. After the support group meeting on Thursdays, they went out for coffee together; then it was dinner together and walks on the beach two miles away from Facility where their respective spouses lived.
Matt was a realist. He talked about his wife being no more present in Jill. “She is existing, not living” he told me. He must have been rationalizing to assuage any sense of guilt he might have had for being close to another woman while his wife was still alive.
Maria too had her moments of guilt but she assuaged them by thinking that if the shoe were on the other foot, her husband would not have behaved any differently than what she was doing.
On September 18, 2010, Maria’s husband died. I officiated at the funeral. Matt was at the service comforting Maria. Matt's wife, Jill, died the same year on December 3rd. She was cremated. I had the privilege of doing a memorial service for her in the club house at Matt's condo.
Few months after the death of their respective spouses, Maria sold her house and moved in with Matt.
In January 2012, I received a phone call from Matt. “Guess what chaplain Paul, Maria and I are thinking about getting married and we want you to marry us; you know our story more than anyone else.”
I was delighted that two souls had found each other again…that their common pain had brought them together and their lives—what is left of it—does not have to be lived in isolation and loneliness.
On March 18, 2012, I officiated the marriage of Matt and Maria near the Deer field Beach pier surrounded by their immediate family.
Matt was 82 and Maria was 78. While signing their marriage license, Matt and Maria might have been signing on to a new lease on their lives—and seeing the light of love again, at the end of the dark tunnel of illness, suffering, sadness and loss.
Life is very often, messy, complex and complicated. Most life situations are mired in mystery, riddled with difficult choices and pulled in different directions by competing claims and dilemmas. None of us will ever fully know what another person is going through, what challenges they are facing, what hardships they are enduring, or what pain they are experiencing. That is why Jesus said: “Do not judge and you will not be judged; Do no condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.”
Apostle Paul repeats that advise in his letter to the Romans: “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.”
I think “it depends” is a good phrase to remember when faced with the quandaries and mysteries of life.
We live in a world where, most people see life as black and white. Living in the gray area is very uncomfortable for many. They want an “yes or no” answer to their questions. “It depends” is not an acceptable answer. According to them, abortion is always wrong; gay marriage should never be allowed; it is against the sanctify of marriage. Children should have both a mother and a father. They forget that the “sanctity of marriage” is callously disgraced in 50% of cases due to divorce. They forget that 45 percent of children in this country grow up in single parent homes. They forget that King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines.
According to them, living in the gray area of life is being morally lax and, responding to life's questions with “it depends” is a wishy-washy approach.
If so, Jesus is the most morally lax and wishy-washy person who ever lived.
Jesus rarely gave a straightforward answer to any question. When the Pharisees asked “Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” he did not say pay taxes or don't pay taxes. He asked them to bring a coin. Instead of answering yes or no, he asked them a question: “Whose portrait is it? “Cesar's,” they replied. And Jesus said: “Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's”-- an open answer that can be broadly interpreted.
Let us look at the story of the woman caught in adultery brought before Jesus. (John 8). The Pharisees gathered around the woman with stones in their hands, ready to stone her to death. They wanted an Yes or No answer from Jesus. If Jesus had said: “Yes, go ahead and stone her,” they could brand him a heartless, cruel man. If he had said, No, they could accuse him of not following the law.
The law is clear. Leviticus 20: 10 and Deuteronomy 22.22 says the same thing: “If a man commits adultery with another man's wife both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.”
It would have been so easy for Jesus to quote the law, answer the question and get out of there.
But, what did Jesus say: At first, he says nothing; he gives no answer. “Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger.” By not giving them a right or wrong answer, Jesus must have been encouraging them to think about the situation a little.
Think about why is it always the woman's fault? Why didn't they catch the man involved in this event? Where is he? How could they forget that Abram committed adultery with his maid-servant from which Ismail was born? How could they ignore that king David committed adultery with his soldier's wife and he was not stoned. How could they forget that Solomon had 700 concubines? Is this one poor woman more guilty than any of those men? Or is it because they are all men in powerful positions? There are so many questions and issues to consider before stoning a woman to death. Jesus must have been thinking about all that! Jesus was forcing the Pharisees to stretch their minds to see the facts and open their hearts towards compassion.
If you read the story, you will see that Jesus was not going to give an answer at all. But the Pharisees were persistent. When they kept on questioning him” he said to them:
“Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone...” and we know what happened. That was an “it depends answer” an answer that led to profound soul searching for the Pharisees and everyone one put their stones down and quietly left, leaving the woman alone.
The story reminds me of Pope Francis' response to the question about homosexuality. He said: “Who am I to judge? It is such a departure from his predecessor. Pope Benedict who was so sure about how bad it is. He said: “ homosexuality is intrinsically disordered.”
How about this one? While Jesus was teaching, some one asked him: (Lk: 13) “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved? He did not answer that question like a Jehovah's witness. According to them only 144,000 will be saved when the rapture happens. He did not answer like an evangelical preacher. According to him, only those who believe in Jesus will be saved. This is the answer Jesus gave:
“People will come from east and west and north and south, and will take their places at the feast in the kingdom of God.” It is a very open ended, general, wishy-washy answer. The phrase east and west, north and south, means there are no national, religious, ethnic or cultural boundaries. There are no requirements, qualifications, or credentials needed to sit at the feast in the kingdom of God.
When it comes to salvation, many people can't handle that answer. They want a clear-cut answer, a definite answer. Are you going to be saved or not? Few years ago, while discussing this issue in a Bible class, one lady said “I don't want to go a heaven where everybody else goes.” She was so sure that she was going to heaven, but her Muslim neighbor was not.
And then Jesus adds this line to the answer about people coming from east and west: “Indeed there are those who are last who will be first and first who will be last.” That is a bombshell statement that shakes the very foundation of human calculations, assumptions, presumptions and planning. We think that if we work hard, believe the right things, play by the rules, we should be rewarded. Not necessarily, it depends...
Before the crucifixion, Pilate asked a question to Jesus: “Are you the king of the Jews?” (J 18). He didn't answer yes or no. Instead, Jesus asked Pilate: “Is that your own idea or did others talk to you about me? Then Pilate asked: “What is it that you have done? Again, there is no clear answer from Jesus: He said:”My kingdom is not of this world? Pilate was so frustrated with Jesus that he was not answering any of this questions with a yes or a no.
At the end Pilate asked Jesus, “What is truth”? He didn't even wait for an answer from Jesus, because, he knew he was not going to get one,because it is such a loaded question.
What is truth? What is the truth about life, death, life after death? What is the truth about other people's lives and what they may be going through in any particular moment? What is the truth about why people do what they do”?
We think we know, but we don't. We pass judgments based on what we think and know, but our thinking could be so off base and our knowledge could be incomplete or wrong.
Always remember that absolute answers are available only in areas science and math. For example if you add two atoms of hydrogen and one atom of oxygen you will get a molecule of water; you can do that in Australia, Alaska or Alabama, the result will be the same. Or you add 2 and 4 the result will be 4, be that in India, Indonesia or Indianapolis. By the way, I have to tell you that a friend of mine once told me that 2 and 2 does not add up to 4 always. “It depends” he said, and I asked: “How come?” And he said, “it depends if I am buying or selling. If I am buying it is 3 and if I am selling it is 4.” So, even in math, nothing is absolute!
The point is that, please know that life does not neatly fit into any scientific or mathematical formula. Life is messy and it rarely fits any precalculated patterns. Have the humility to admit that we know very little and the little we know could be wrong.
Socrates was one of the smartest philosophers of all time. His favorite saying was:
“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”
As disciples, we are called to be like Jesus. Thinking like Socrates is not bad either.
We are called to put on the mind of Christ? What is a Christ-like mind?
It is open, flexible, loving, gentle, generous, compassionate, non judgmental, forgiving and unconditionally loving.
Let us pray:
Lord help us to stretch our minds and hearts to the four corners of the earth to include all our brothers and sisters in our circle of concern. Make us realize that our knowledge is incomplete, our vision is limited, our opinions are biased, and our viewpoints are only views from a point. Help us resist the temptation to judge people without knowing the facts and make our hearts compassionate enough to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Inspire us to replace our narrow, limited, biased minds with the generous, flexible and non-judgmental mind of Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Sunday, May 10, 2015
MY TWO MOTHERS
First of all, I like to wish all the mothers here a very happy Mother's day. Did you know that MD is the biggest celebration in the US, more than Christmas and Val day combined, when flower shops, restaurants and hallmark make the most money. Because, everyone does not celebrate Christmas, and everyone does not have a BF, GF or a spouse, but every one has a mother.
MD, however, is not a holy day in the church's calendar and pastors usually shy away from preaching about it for fear of hurting feelings. For example, there are people who were abused or abandoned by their mothers. The last thing they want to hear is nice things about someone who was not nice. Then there are others who have wanted , prayed and waited to become mothers, without success, and carry wounds of deferred dreams.
Suddenly, what seems so simple and profoundly important becomes an uneasy celebration. Our concern for the wounded, often leads us to forgo the rejoicing. I feel that we must celebrate this day, because, as scripture says, we must rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
Our rejoicing should always be combined with compassion-and this applies to all situations in life. For example, look at what is happening in the world these days, especially the earthquake in Nepal. We must weep with the people of Nepal and help them with our prayers and our purses, but we don't have to be unhappy about our blessings.
Besides, I am not going to just talk about our biological mother. I invite you to expand your consciousness about motherhood today: to think about mother in a larger context.
Let me start with a question: ..Is there anyone here with more than one mother? Well I have 4 mothers. Bio mom, mother country, mother Mary..Jesus on cross pointing to Mary at foot of the cross told John: behold your mother..Only speak about bio mom and mother earth.
My mom died a year and half ago 92.
I have the greatest admiration and love for my mom, because, I am who am, largely because of her. She carried me in her womb for 9 months. She made sure that I was nourished and protected. It was not an easy task, esp. in the India of early 50s. Our house was in the middle of a farm. It was a two bedroom house, with cement floor, and thatched roof—for 7 of us and there was no indoor plumbing. And we had no electricity. Here when we loose power for a few hours or few days due to a hurricane or a downed line, we panic. Imagine having no electricity for life....
At night, the whole place was pitch dark, except for the hurricane lamps which gave a faint light for about three feet radius. We had no crib or real beds. We slept on mats, not mattress. We used to fold the mats in the morning so that the room we slept in can be used as living and dining room during the day.
Sanitation was not great. Cockroaches, ants and lizards freely roamed inside the house.. But my mother made sure that I was not bitten by them and took good care of me so that I grew up in one piece with all the limbs intact.
Also, infant mortality rate was high in those days. But my mom, and of course, my dad, made sure that I survived. I lost two siblings, one older and one younger than and each lived for only less than a month.
My mother was a strict disciplinarian. She would not allow me to play with the boys in the neighborhood, because, she thought that they would lead me astray. She would not allow me to go for movies, because she thought the movies would be bad influence.
I did not like my mom for that, at that time. But looking back, I am grateful, because, she did the best she could, to protect me and keep me safe. We should never judge a situation in our past with today's awareness and yard sticks.
Motherhood means sharing in the creative power of God: Conceiving, carrying and giving birth to a human being is as close as any person can come to the act of creation. That is the beginning of motherhood, but it is far from the end: motherhood is also nurturing, sacrificing, unconditionally loving and ultimately letting go.
There may be exceptions to this love, mothers who abuse, or abandon their children, but the ideal motherhood, is a divine vocation. That is why a wise man once said: God created mothers, because he couldn't be everywhere.” A Muslim prophet put it so well when he said: “Paradise is at the feet of a mother.”
I like to talk about my second mother-mother earth. Earth day was just two weeks ago. Again pastors don't usually preach about earth day,because it is considered a worldly topic. I think it should be a holy day..
Just like I came out of my mother's body, I came out of this earth. Todays's scripture, Psalmm 139 says: “You knit me together in my mother's womb” and “You knew me when I was woven toegther in depths of the earth,” thus making a beautiful connecton between the mother's womb and the womb of th earth.
We have this notion that we came ON the earth; It appears like that; but the truth of the matter is that we came OUT of the earth. We are made of the dust of the earth. Just like we share genes and chromosomes, flesh and blood with our mothers, we share all the elements with mother earth; Elements like carbon, hydrogen, calcium, iron that are in the earth's body are also in our body. The earth is 70 percent water ; we are 70 percent water.
I often think about the unfathomable beauty, mystery and magnificence of this moving blue dot in space which holds me up tenderly in the palm of her hands as my mother once did.
Like a mother, the earth gives us so much and demands so little. So, on this mother's day, I invite you to develop a special love and reverence for mother earth, this beautiful tiny planet in this majestic cosmos, on which we are blessed to live.
I have lived on this earth for 23,178 days and it has never failed to provide for me: air, water, and food, the three most basic ingredients needed for my very existence. Thank you holy mother earth.
I have never stayed awake at night, wondering and worrying if there will be enough air to breath when I wake up in the morning. As I walk gently on this holy ground, I join Prophet Isaiah to say “ The whole earth proclaims the glory of God.”
Let us take a closer look at our home planet. We usually experience it as stationary, because that is what our five senses tell us. But if we could stop for a moment and reflect, we will realize that we are moving, rather spinning, and yet staying put...that is a huge mystery worthy of adoration itself.
The earth spins around its axis at the speed of 1,000 miles an hour at the equator. It takes 24 hours to spin around once. The spinning makes our days and nights. But as we spin, we are also on another circle journey as we orbit round the sun. Traveling at the speed of 66,600 miles an hour, this second journey takes 365 days to complete. In that annual pilgrimage around the sun, we travel 595 million miles—with no oil change or tire rotation. Think about that...
Back to earth; It weighs a gazillion tons, a normal calculator doesn't have digits for that. The surface is 300 million square miles; there are 7.7. million species of animals living on it. We are familiar with a cat or a dog or a cow or an elephant, a donkey or a horse but there are millions of others. There are 2700 different species of snakes. Have you ever stood front of an aquarium and watched those beautiful fish with different colors and textures? We might see a dozen varieties; but there are 2400 different ones. There are a 1000 species of birds.
When we see the earth as a whole, from outer space, we can clearly see the connectedness and interdependence of all of us who live upon this planet. We have created imaginary boundaries, dividing ourselves into countries and states. We forget that in reality we are all living together, breathing the same air, drinking from the same water, eating food grown from the same earth.
We share everything on this planet with other people, whether we are conscious of it or not. For example, the air that is in your lungs today was circulated yesterday through the lungs of somebody living in China. The air in the lungs of the person next to you, enters your lungs in a few minutes. It is like two people eating from the same plate.
Imagine you walk into a restaurant and notice two people sharing a plate of food. It shows a level of intimacy, closeness and love.
Few months ago, I had lunch with one of my former supervisors who is also a friend. She ordered dessert and I didn't. A generous portion of ice cream souffle was placed in front of her. “I can't finish it alone Paul, have some” she said. There were two spoons on the plate. The waiter must have thought we were a couple. Initially, I was reluctant to share ice cream with a woman who was not my wife. But ice cream? Forget the wife for an hour. (just kidding).
While eating the ice cream from the same plate with a person who was not my blood family, I felt a special connection and affection for that person. She was from Jamaica, I was from India, we come from totally different worlds, experiences and backgrounds. But when we sat in that Benigans in Fort Lauderdale, and shared ice cream from the same plate, it felt like a divine connection.
Try that some day with somebody who is not a family member. It is an amazing experience of closeness, intimacy, love, freedom and unity.
If you really think about it, sharing food with others, from the same plate is happening every day everywhere. You are doing it right now. You are not sharing ice cream; in fact you are sharing something more important; you are sharing the air—food for your brain. Living on the earth and sharing the same air with everybody else is, in fact like sharing food from the same plate—an abundant cosmic plate.
Everyday, 7 billion people eat from that cosmic plate prepared and provided by mother earth—and the food never runs out.
Jesus had a special appreciation for the earth. He didn't live in high rise condos or work in board rooms. He taught on the mountain top, and the sea side; he prayed in the garden, and died on a hill. He talked about the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, because Jesus knew that the earth proclaims the glory of God.
Don't just live on the earth as aliens and strangers, plundering and taking advantage of its resources, but be respectful and grateful for everything that the earth offers, which is our life itself. We came out of the earth and we will return to it. We should always remember that the earth can survive without us, but we cannot survive without the earth. That should be a humbling thought.
So When you look at earth as your mother, your spirituality immediately improves. It is no more just about saying some prayers, reading the scripture, loving a few neighbors and trying to get to heaven after death. Speaking of scriptures, earth is actually the second scripture. Aquinas said: Divine revelation comes in two volumes; scripture and nature.
We should slow down and observe nature. We should walk barefoot on the grass or the beach. Feel the sensation of the earth sustaining us and holding us tightly and embracing us with its gravity. Earth's gravity and your mother's hug are the same thing.
In fact you are always embraced and hugged by mother earth. Without that, you will be tossed around and lost.
When you think of earth as your mother, you have no choice but to think of all the people on earth-7 billion people as your brothers and sisters. Remember we are all siblings, eating from the same cosmic plate. When you become aware of that, thoughts of nationalism, parochialism and tribalism disappear. You become more of a godly person, because God loves the entire earth and everyone on it. God has no separatist thinking.
When you see earth as mother, you see the big picture; You transcend your tribal mentality and develop a planetary consciousness. You see at all the people on this earth as members of the one body of Christ.
When you expand your consciousness to embrace the entire earth, blessings will begin to flood your life. When you include 7 billion people in our circle of concern, and love 7 billion people, you are going to get 7 billions pieces of blessing. If you just love the people in your household or your neighborhood, your blessings are limited.
So erase hatred; eradicate tribalism; eliminate narrowness; Expand your mind; enlarge your circle; engage with people; evolve as a spiritual being; emanate joy; experience mother earth and embrace humanity.
As you leave the holy ground of this church, I pray that you consider every ground as holy and every person you meet as a manifestation of the Holy One.
MD, however, is not a holy day in the church's calendar and pastors usually shy away from preaching about it for fear of hurting feelings. For example, there are people who were abused or abandoned by their mothers. The last thing they want to hear is nice things about someone who was not nice. Then there are others who have wanted , prayed and waited to become mothers, without success, and carry wounds of deferred dreams.
Suddenly, what seems so simple and profoundly important becomes an uneasy celebration. Our concern for the wounded, often leads us to forgo the rejoicing. I feel that we must celebrate this day, because, as scripture says, we must rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
Our rejoicing should always be combined with compassion-and this applies to all situations in life. For example, look at what is happening in the world these days, especially the earthquake in Nepal. We must weep with the people of Nepal and help them with our prayers and our purses, but we don't have to be unhappy about our blessings.
Besides, I am not going to just talk about our biological mother. I invite you to expand your consciousness about motherhood today: to think about mother in a larger context.
Let me start with a question: ..Is there anyone here with more than one mother? Well I have 4 mothers. Bio mom, mother country, mother Mary..Jesus on cross pointing to Mary at foot of the cross told John: behold your mother..Only speak about bio mom and mother earth.
My mom died a year and half ago 92.
I have the greatest admiration and love for my mom, because, I am who am, largely because of her. She carried me in her womb for 9 months. She made sure that I was nourished and protected. It was not an easy task, esp. in the India of early 50s. Our house was in the middle of a farm. It was a two bedroom house, with cement floor, and thatched roof—for 7 of us and there was no indoor plumbing. And we had no electricity. Here when we loose power for a few hours or few days due to a hurricane or a downed line, we panic. Imagine having no electricity for life....
At night, the whole place was pitch dark, except for the hurricane lamps which gave a faint light for about three feet radius. We had no crib or real beds. We slept on mats, not mattress. We used to fold the mats in the morning so that the room we slept in can be used as living and dining room during the day.
Sanitation was not great. Cockroaches, ants and lizards freely roamed inside the house.. But my mother made sure that I was not bitten by them and took good care of me so that I grew up in one piece with all the limbs intact.
Also, infant mortality rate was high in those days. But my mom, and of course, my dad, made sure that I survived. I lost two siblings, one older and one younger than and each lived for only less than a month.
My mother was a strict disciplinarian. She would not allow me to play with the boys in the neighborhood, because, she thought that they would lead me astray. She would not allow me to go for movies, because she thought the movies would be bad influence.
I did not like my mom for that, at that time. But looking back, I am grateful, because, she did the best she could, to protect me and keep me safe. We should never judge a situation in our past with today's awareness and yard sticks.
Motherhood means sharing in the creative power of God: Conceiving, carrying and giving birth to a human being is as close as any person can come to the act of creation. That is the beginning of motherhood, but it is far from the end: motherhood is also nurturing, sacrificing, unconditionally loving and ultimately letting go.
There may be exceptions to this love, mothers who abuse, or abandon their children, but the ideal motherhood, is a divine vocation. That is why a wise man once said: God created mothers, because he couldn't be everywhere.” A Muslim prophet put it so well when he said: “Paradise is at the feet of a mother.”
I like to talk about my second mother-mother earth. Earth day was just two weeks ago. Again pastors don't usually preach about earth day,because it is considered a worldly topic. I think it should be a holy day..
Just like I came out of my mother's body, I came out of this earth. Todays's scripture, Psalmm 139 says: “You knit me together in my mother's womb” and “You knew me when I was woven toegther in depths of the earth,” thus making a beautiful connecton between the mother's womb and the womb of th earth.
We have this notion that we came ON the earth; It appears like that; but the truth of the matter is that we came OUT of the earth. We are made of the dust of the earth. Just like we share genes and chromosomes, flesh and blood with our mothers, we share all the elements with mother earth; Elements like carbon, hydrogen, calcium, iron that are in the earth's body are also in our body. The earth is 70 percent water ; we are 70 percent water.
I often think about the unfathomable beauty, mystery and magnificence of this moving blue dot in space which holds me up tenderly in the palm of her hands as my mother once did.
Like a mother, the earth gives us so much and demands so little. So, on this mother's day, I invite you to develop a special love and reverence for mother earth, this beautiful tiny planet in this majestic cosmos, on which we are blessed to live.
I have lived on this earth for 23,178 days and it has never failed to provide for me: air, water, and food, the three most basic ingredients needed for my very existence. Thank you holy mother earth.
I have never stayed awake at night, wondering and worrying if there will be enough air to breath when I wake up in the morning. As I walk gently on this holy ground, I join Prophet Isaiah to say “ The whole earth proclaims the glory of God.”
Let us take a closer look at our home planet. We usually experience it as stationary, because that is what our five senses tell us. But if we could stop for a moment and reflect, we will realize that we are moving, rather spinning, and yet staying put...that is a huge mystery worthy of adoration itself.
The earth spins around its axis at the speed of 1,000 miles an hour at the equator. It takes 24 hours to spin around once. The spinning makes our days and nights. But as we spin, we are also on another circle journey as we orbit round the sun. Traveling at the speed of 66,600 miles an hour, this second journey takes 365 days to complete. In that annual pilgrimage around the sun, we travel 595 million miles—with no oil change or tire rotation. Think about that...
Back to earth; It weighs a gazillion tons, a normal calculator doesn't have digits for that. The surface is 300 million square miles; there are 7.7. million species of animals living on it. We are familiar with a cat or a dog or a cow or an elephant, a donkey or a horse but there are millions of others. There are 2700 different species of snakes. Have you ever stood front of an aquarium and watched those beautiful fish with different colors and textures? We might see a dozen varieties; but there are 2400 different ones. There are a 1000 species of birds.
When we see the earth as a whole, from outer space, we can clearly see the connectedness and interdependence of all of us who live upon this planet. We have created imaginary boundaries, dividing ourselves into countries and states. We forget that in reality we are all living together, breathing the same air, drinking from the same water, eating food grown from the same earth.
We share everything on this planet with other people, whether we are conscious of it or not. For example, the air that is in your lungs today was circulated yesterday through the lungs of somebody living in China. The air in the lungs of the person next to you, enters your lungs in a few minutes. It is like two people eating from the same plate.
Imagine you walk into a restaurant and notice two people sharing a plate of food. It shows a level of intimacy, closeness and love.
Few months ago, I had lunch with one of my former supervisors who is also a friend. She ordered dessert and I didn't. A generous portion of ice cream souffle was placed in front of her. “I can't finish it alone Paul, have some” she said. There were two spoons on the plate. The waiter must have thought we were a couple. Initially, I was reluctant to share ice cream with a woman who was not my wife. But ice cream? Forget the wife for an hour. (just kidding).
While eating the ice cream from the same plate with a person who was not my blood family, I felt a special connection and affection for that person. She was from Jamaica, I was from India, we come from totally different worlds, experiences and backgrounds. But when we sat in that Benigans in Fort Lauderdale, and shared ice cream from the same plate, it felt like a divine connection.
Try that some day with somebody who is not a family member. It is an amazing experience of closeness, intimacy, love, freedom and unity.
If you really think about it, sharing food with others, from the same plate is happening every day everywhere. You are doing it right now. You are not sharing ice cream; in fact you are sharing something more important; you are sharing the air—food for your brain. Living on the earth and sharing the same air with everybody else is, in fact like sharing food from the same plate—an abundant cosmic plate.
Everyday, 7 billion people eat from that cosmic plate prepared and provided by mother earth—and the food never runs out.
Jesus had a special appreciation for the earth. He didn't live in high rise condos or work in board rooms. He taught on the mountain top, and the sea side; he prayed in the garden, and died on a hill. He talked about the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, because Jesus knew that the earth proclaims the glory of God.
Don't just live on the earth as aliens and strangers, plundering and taking advantage of its resources, but be respectful and grateful for everything that the earth offers, which is our life itself. We came out of the earth and we will return to it. We should always remember that the earth can survive without us, but we cannot survive without the earth. That should be a humbling thought.
So When you look at earth as your mother, your spirituality immediately improves. It is no more just about saying some prayers, reading the scripture, loving a few neighbors and trying to get to heaven after death. Speaking of scriptures, earth is actually the second scripture. Aquinas said: Divine revelation comes in two volumes; scripture and nature.
We should slow down and observe nature. We should walk barefoot on the grass or the beach. Feel the sensation of the earth sustaining us and holding us tightly and embracing us with its gravity. Earth's gravity and your mother's hug are the same thing.
In fact you are always embraced and hugged by mother earth. Without that, you will be tossed around and lost.
When you think of earth as your mother, you have no choice but to think of all the people on earth-7 billion people as your brothers and sisters. Remember we are all siblings, eating from the same cosmic plate. When you become aware of that, thoughts of nationalism, parochialism and tribalism disappear. You become more of a godly person, because God loves the entire earth and everyone on it. God has no separatist thinking.
When you see earth as mother, you see the big picture; You transcend your tribal mentality and develop a planetary consciousness. You see at all the people on this earth as members of the one body of Christ.
When you expand your consciousness to embrace the entire earth, blessings will begin to flood your life. When you include 7 billion people in our circle of concern, and love 7 billion people, you are going to get 7 billions pieces of blessing. If you just love the people in your household or your neighborhood, your blessings are limited.
So erase hatred; eradicate tribalism; eliminate narrowness; Expand your mind; enlarge your circle; engage with people; evolve as a spiritual being; emanate joy; experience mother earth and embrace humanity.
As you leave the holy ground of this church, I pray that you consider every ground as holy and every person you meet as a manifestation of the Holy One.
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