iLive: The Relationship Continues...

It is an honor to be with you this afternoon. In the last ten years I have been with Vitas, I have never missed this biannual event. It is very special to me because, despite the sadness in this room, love is experienced, comfort is shared and support is felt here. This event is a soul soothing oasis in our lonely journey thru the desert of grief. In this room, I also feel the presence of our loved ones, because they are here with us to help us get thru the pain of their physical departure from us. So today, in his room, we are celebrating the lives of nearly 2400 souls who lost their physical form during the last six months. Yes, we have about 400 deaths a month in the Broward program. I like to specially remember two souls, Morris and Sy, who died 30 days apart on my team. The highlight of Morris's life was having lunch with me once a month, in the small Cafe in the ALF. He was 103 years old; never had children or extended family. I was his family. Watching him lift the soup spoon with his shaky hand ravaged by mild Parkinson's, depositing half the soup in his mouth and spilling half on his shirt, I was inspired by the dignity of this man who was fiercely independent till the very end. The last time we had lunch, he was so weak and confused, that he used the ten dollar bill he took out to pay the waitress, to wipe his runny nose. It was our last lunch. Morris died a week later. Sy who died a month before, was the most cheerful and positive person I have known. He always saw the glass half full; he always made lemonade out of lemons. When his sight faded and could not watch his favorite Marlins game on TV, he said: “60 years ago, in NY I used to listen to the games on radio. At the age of 94, Sy bought a computer and he used to forward jokes to me all the time. Most of them were dirty jokes, but there was this one which he thought I would really enjoy. I will share it with you in his honor. For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a doughnut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical support. My ber support group always ended with a joke and some used to wonder if it was proper to laugh when talking about serious topics like loss and grief. I used to tell them that it is OK because, crying and laughter are emotional cousins, because tears show up both when we cry and laugh out loud. The third soul I want to remember today is Apple CEO, Steve Jobs. I just finished reading his biography. The title for my reflection today- iLive - was inspired by Steve Jobs, like his ipod, Iphone, and Ipad. The message that each of our loved ones is whispering in our ears today is this: iLive. iLive. I am not saying this just because I believe in the promises of Jesus. “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me will never die.” Yes, I believe that, but beyond that, I have other reasons to believe that our loved ones live with us and around us all the time. Because I don't think that heaven is a far away location with a zip code that we can locate on a Google map, but a dimension around us. My father died 8 years ago. Since then, I have often wondered as to where he could be? I am sure, you must have asked that question about your loved ones? Once my wife heard me asking that question and she said: “He is six feet under ground in a cemetery in India.” And I said, I know his body is in the grave but what about his soul? ”His soul is in heaven, I guess,” she said. That was the end of our conversation, but that was not the end of my curiosity. I am not satisfied with traditional answers from holy books and pious preachers. As a Catholic, I used to believed in heaven, purgatory and hell as post-death destinations for the good, the bad and the ugly. But during the ten years as a hospice chaplain, witnessing so many deaths, my thinking and belief have changed. I am a strong advocate of “faith seeking understanding.” So, I like to propose a new understanding of death. When someone dies, we usually say: “the soul left the body,” which implies that the soul came from “somewhere,” inhabited the body for a few years and at the time of death, “left” to go back somewhere. It also implies that the body existed first and the soul came later, to inhabit the body. I think we should reverse that statement and say that at the time of death, “the body left the soul,” because the soul is eternal and ageless; It has no beginning or ending because the soul is part of God who is eternal. The soul that we carry within each one of our bodies, is a “spark” of God. That is what the Bible means when it says that we are created in the image and likeness of God. French theologian, Teilhard de Chardin beautifully expressed that truth in this powerful statement: “We are spiritual beings having a human experience not human beings having a spiritual experience.” So our body is just an impermanent and perishable wrapping for the soul; the seven billion people on this planet are wrapped in different colors, shapes and sizes, but inside, each one has a piece of God, a spark of divinity or the soul. Some have better wrappings than others. Some decorate and maintain their wrappings better than others, but at the end of the day, they are all wrappings. Death removes the wrappings, and the soul continues to live. To illustrate this point, Deepak Chopra uses the analogy of a house and the space it occupies. The space existed before the house was built there. The house is the body and the space is the soul. If the building is destroyed in a fire, the space it occupied is still there, and one can build another house there. (This is also a viable argument for reincarnation, but we won't get into that here). Now, let us return to the life of the soul after the body has died. Imagine you are watching your favorite television program. Fifteen minutes into the program, you shut the TV off and close your eyes. What happens to the program? It is still “in the air” as electromagnetic waves. Just because the television is “off'” the program does not cease to exist; just because the radio is “off” the music does not stop; just because the body has “died” the soul does not cease to live. I believe that everything in life has opposites but life itself has no opposite. Let me explain. There is “black and white,” “up and down,” “hills and valleys,” “night and day.” In fact night “ends” the day and vice versa. So, what is the opposite of life? The usual answer is, death. As a matter of fact, we have “life and death” paired together in common parlance and most of literature. But “death” is not the opposite of “life.” The word that should be paired with “death” is actually “birth.” It should be “birth and death” not “life and death.” Life is the only thing in life that has no opposite thereby making “life” unending or eternal. Look at the letters of the word LIFE which is L-ife I-s F-or E-ver! Steve Jobs was not really a religious person and he had his doubts. Few months before his death, during a conversation with his biographer Walter Issacson, he expressed hope about an after life. “Death could be like an on-off switch, click and you are gone” he said first. Then he paused and said, “may be it is not "And that's why I don't put on-off switches on Apple devices." It was reported that the last words of Steve Jobs before his death, were, “Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.” Is it possible that at the moment of his transition, this tech genius was “seeing” something magnificent and beautiful? Much more magnificent and marvelous than the Ipad itself? Which is kind of impossible! I think an individual soul rejoining with the eternal soul of God is a million times more magnificent and glorious an experience with no earthly comparison. May be that is what Steve Jobs experienced. A wise man once said that death ends a physical existence, not a relationship. I encourage you to forge a new relationship with your loved ones who are with you and around you, before you and behind you all the time, like God is with you all the time, because, at the moment of death, they just melted back in to the heart of God... to start their new life as angels. So, today, I like to leave you with this message from the book of Exodus: “I am sending you an angel in front of you, to guard you as you go, and to guide you, to the place I have prepared” (23:20) When our circle of life is complete, our loved ones will be there to meet us! (speech delivered by Dr. Paul Veliyathil at the bi-annual memorial celebration for VITAS patients on May 11, 2012)

Holy Ground Vs Stand Your Ground

Today is earth day. The first earth day was celebrated on April 22, 1970. We have come a long way from that day with one billion people participating in Earth Day celebrations in 192 countries. Usually, ministers don't preach about earth day because, it is considered a “worldly” topic. Few years ago, I would not have noticed this day, or paid any attention to it, let alone preach about it. So much has changed in my spiritual life that I consider earth day as important as other religious holy days. It is not because I am a new age guru, or a tree lugger or ardent environmentalist, which are usually used as pejorative terms. It is because, I have reflected deeply about the unfathomable beauty, mystery and magnificence of this moving, yes moving blue dot in space which holds me up as God holds me tenderly in the palm of His/Her hand. Today, I invite you to join me in reflecting about the earth from a spiritual point of view. I want you consider it from a divine perspective. As a matter of fact, we do it every Sunday, but we don't pay much attention to it. We start the service by singing, “we are standing on holy ground.” We think of church as holy ground, but I want you expand your mind to include every ground as holy, the whole earth as holy, because, it is created by God. Gen 1:1 says: “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” That is why the psalmist proclaims (24:1) “the earth is the Lord's and everything in it.” In Ps.102:25, the psalmist says, “In the beginning, you laid the foundations of the earth.” “Be exalted, O God above the heavens and let your glory be over all the earth (108:5). Thomas Aquinas who understood the deeper meaning of that psalm said: “Divine revelation comes in two volumes; scripture and nature.” More than half of the population of this world is illiterate. They can't read or write. They will never read a bible, but they can look at nature and if they stop and pay attention to the earth and the universe around them, they will see God everywhere. We usually focus our attention on the Bible and look for God in the book. There is nothing wrong with it. But just for today, I like you to focus on the earth beneath you and around you to experience God. I have lived on this earth 21,170 days and it has never failed to provide for me: air, water and food, the three most basic ingredients needed for my very existence. Thank you holy mother earth. As I walk gently on this holy ground, I join with prophet Isaiah this morning to say: “The whole earth proclaims the glory of God.” Let us take a closer look at our home planet. We usually experience it as stationary, because that is what our five senses tell us. But if we could stop for a moment and reflect, we will realize that we are moving, rather spinning, and yet staying put...that is a huge mystery worthy of adoration itself. The earth spins around her axis at the speed of 1,000 miles an hour at the equator. It takes 24 hours to spin around once. The spinning makes our days and nights. But as we spin, we are also on another circle journey as we orbit round the sun. Traveling at the speed of 66,600 miles an hour, this second journey takes 365 days to complete. In that annual pilgrimage around the sun, we travel 595 million miles. This moving planet is huge. But compared to the sun, earth is very tiny...the sun is 1.3 million times bigger than the earth, but compared to Antares, the 15th brightest star in the sky, which is a 1000 light years away, the sun is a pixel. It is mind boggling mystery. Back to earth; It weighs a gazillion tons, a normal calculator don't have digits for that. It is 6, 24 zeroes after that. The surface is 300 million square miles; there are 7.7. million species of animals living on it. We are familiar with a cat or a dog or a cow or an elephant, a donkey or a horse but there are millions of others. There are 2700 different species of snakes. Have you ever stood front of an aquarium and watched those beautiful fishes with different colors and textures? We might see a dozen varieties; but there are 2400 different ones. There are a 1000 species of birds. And the amazing thing is that this huge earth with everything in it is not attached to anything...nothing below, nothing above, nothing in front or back, except deep dark endless space...and yet we don't fall down or spin out of control.....we don't deviate from the path...because, if we deviate from the orbit by one inch closer to the sun, we will be incinerated; one inch away, we will be frozen to death; to me that is the greatest mystery and miracle that God has created. Just go to the beach, look at the vast ocean and endless sky and contemplate the universe and ..if your eyes bulge with tears, and your heart pound with wonder and your mind feels a deep awe, you are having a spiritual experience. You are connecting with God, the creator of the universe. Such an awareness of distance, speed and order creates a sense of awe and wonder. Astronauts and cosmonauts who have had the privilege of seeing the earth from space were always moved by its beauty and majesty. This is what astronaut Edgar Mitchell said as he gazed down on the home planet: On the return trip home, gazing 240,000 miles of space towards the stars and the planet from which I had come, I suddenly experienced the universe as intelligent, loving and harmonious. My view of the planet was a glimpse of divinity. Perhaps what we need is a trip to outer space, to have our eyes and hearts opened to see the sacredness behind the appearances and to reawaken that inner light buried beneath our limited ways of thinking. But, wait a minute. We are traveling in space; we don't have to lift our bodies from the earth to see the beauty and the splendor of God's creation; we only need to lift our minds...and open our eyes. But, that is the problem...our minds are small and our eyes are closed.. It is worthy of note that Mitchell uses the word 'divinity' but not 'God'. God is a divisive term for many. Religions people fight over their own definitions of God and make declarations like, “My God is bigger than your God.” But, if we can speak of divinity it has an all embracing quality to it. When we use 'divinity' instead of “God' what is at work here is 'spirituality' not 'religion.' And our goal is to evolve more each day as spiritual beings not merely as religious people. When we see the earth as a whole, from outer space, we can clearly see the connectedness and interdependence of all of us who live upon this planet. We have created imaginary boundaries, dividing ourselves into countries and states. We forget that in reality we are all living together, breathing the same air, drinking from the same water, eating food grown from the same earth. We share everything on this planet, whether we are conscious of it or not, with other people, and those people are our brothers and sisters. For example, the air that is in your lungs today was circulated through the lungs of somebody living in China yesterday. You don't have to go as far as China, but think of someone, may be a person or a group of persons you don't particularly like. You and that person partake of the same air. The air in that person's lungs is in yours a few hours later, thus establishing an invisible, but real bond between you and that person. Celebrating earth day reminds us that we are not strangers to each other, but members of the same human family. Seeing earth as a whole brings new meaning into Christian concepts like “Communion of Saints” and “Body of Christ.” Jesus had a special appreciation for the earth. He didn't live in high rise condos or work in board rooms. He taught on the mountain top, and the sea side; he prayed in the garden, and died on a hill. He talked about the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, because Jesus knew that the earth proclaims the glory of God. That is why this son of God came on the earth. Jesus could have sat somewhere up in the heavens and given us his teachings. But he chose to be part of this world. That is the meaning of incarnation. God becoming flesh in the world. If God found this earth to be worthy of his attention and care and embraced it and transformed it, we too should do the same. Don't just live on the earth as aliens and strangers, plundering and taking advantage of its resources, but be respectful and grateful for everything that the earth offers, which is our life itself. The earth can survive without us, but we cannot survive without the earth. We came out of the earth and we will return to it. That should be a humbling thought. So celebrating earth day is about seeing the big picture; it is about feeling the connection with the earth, with everything and everyone on it; it is about thinking about the welfare of all people beyond the boundaries our nation; it is about relinquishing narrow nationalism and embracing a wider humanity; Earth day is about looking at all the people on this earth as members of the one body of Christ. It is about feeling the love of Jesus in our heart and walking on holy ground as opposed to holding a gun in our hand and “stand our ground.” We know what that did to Trayvon Martin in Sanford, Florida. If George Zimmerman had considered his neighborhood “holy ground” a great tragedy could have been averted. Instead, he saw the little swath of real estate he occupied, as his ground that needs to be protected by him from “others.” Earth day should remind us that there is no ground that needs protecting or barricading but we are on the ground only for a short period of time. “Divine revelation comes in two volumes: Scripture and Nature.” On this earth day, I encourage you to focus on the second volume! And as you leave the holy ground of this church, I pray that you consider every ground as holy and every person you meet as a manifestation of the Holy One.

Repent: Think Different!

One of the first words out of the mouth of Jesus is, Repent; According to Mt. 3:2, It is THE FIRST word that John the Baptist uttered. Your hear this word repeatedly during the season of Lent But “Repent” is likely the most misunderstood word in the Bible today.

Many people think it means “feeling sorry for sins” or“turning from sin.” That is not the biblical definition of repentance.

To understand its real meaning, we have to look up meaning of the Greek word which is the original language of the bible. In the New Testament the Greek word that we translate as “repent” is a compound word: Meta-noeo.

“Meta” means change “noeo” means thinking. Noeo is derived from “nous” which means mind. So, metanoeo means to “change your mind.” or “change your thinking” Change your mind in such a way that you will change your behavior.

Repentance as traditionally understood, which is, “feeling sorry for your sins or bad behavior” does not really change anything. Take for example, the case of domestic violence. A husband beats up his wife and the next day he will feel so bad about it, apologies and bring her flowers. Two weeks later, he will beat her again and then go thru the same pattern. In domestic violence it is called the cycle of abuse. Unless he goes into therapy and finds out the root cause of why he is doing what he is doing, by engaging his mind, he will never stop the behavior.

This is true of repentance in religion too. People commit sins; they feel sorry; they ask forgiveness; and they go and sin again. During my 13 years as a priest, I have heard thousands of confessions. Ninety nine percent of confessions are the same list of sins by the same people, almost repeated in the same order, month after month, year after year. Nothing really changes in their lives.

That is why today, I like to explain the biblical meaning of Repentance: as “change your mind”. Jesus said: “Repent and believe in the good news.” There is no mention of sin there. What he is saying is, change your mind about what you have been thinking so far about life, and start believing in the good news about the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom is not a far away place, as you may have thought before, but it is right here, in the midst of you. The values of the Kingdom are very different from the values of the world. To know that, You have to change your mind about a lot of things.


So, Repentance is the act of changing your thinking or having a different mind than the one you are having now. Changing your mind can change your outlook and caning your outlook can change your life. Let me give you an example.

I have a patient on my hospice team who is 75 years old. He was a successful businessman who worked so hard to make money so that he could have a great retirement. He even worked on Xmas eve. His daughter told me that when she was young, she had to wait for daddy to come home in the early hours of Xmas day to open presents. Now this man has cancer and is on hospice care.
His wife is very sad and upset. This is her thinking: “He worked so hard all his life; now we have enough savings; this is the time to travel and enjoy life; but look what happened; it is not fair; why is God punishing me like this?” She is angry, anxious and depressed.

The daughter, on the other hand, thinks differently: She said: “I feel sad that my parents cannot enjoy their retirement together; but I am not angry with God; we should not postpone life today, to enjoy it later; The later might never come; each day has to be lived to its fullest.” The daughter is much more at peace. She has a positive outlook on the situation based on her spiritual thinking.

Two different ways of thinking about the same reality. If the wife could change her mind about the situation, she could experience some peace. That is what repentance really means. Change your mind so that you can change your life. Apostle Paul says in Romans: Do no conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind”(12;2)

Don't be afraid to use your mind in spiritual life; Faith is important; but we are supposed to have a faith that seeks understanding. Unfortunately, for many people, mind or the brain is the least used organ in their body. When it comes to spiritual life, many people refuse to engage the mind. They don't think about what they believe or why they believe what they believe; they just believe either because it is the tradition or they are told by preachers what to believe.

An open mind is capable of deep reflection and it has the capacity to engage in new and creative ways of thinking and understanding. Let me tell you a story.

A man who was on a scavenger hunt knocks at the door of Mr. Smith at midnight. The man says to Mr. smith: “I am on a scavenger hunt; I need a piece of wood 3 feet by 7 feet and I will pay you $10000 for it.” Mr. Smith thinks for a moment: “It is midnight; Home Depot and Lowes are closed. There is no wood in the garage” He tells the man: “I am sorry, I can't help you there is no wood in the house.”

The man leaves and Mr. Smith goes back to bed; but he can't sleep. He had all kinds of thoughts going thru his mind; “If only I had bought some wood during my last trip to the HD, I would have been rich by $10000 now.” He thought about all the things he could have done with that money; his fantasy went on and on and he began to fall asleep. Suddenly, Mr. Smith jumped out of his bed...and said to himself, the door... the door... He had half a dozen doors in his house, all of them made of wood, 3 by 7. He could have removed a door and given to the man!

What happened here is, that in Mr. Smith's mind, when he heard the word “wood,” he could only think of wood on the shelves of HD or Lowes. His mind did not have the capacity to expand and include the fact that the door is in fact, wood. He had put door only in the category of door.

We do this all the time in our spiritual life and that is why our faith gets stunted, our spirituality becomes choreographed to fit the confines of the church, our experience of God is limited to the reading of one holy book and our encounter with Jesus is often within the four walls of the church. As a result, we rarely feel the joy and freedom of the children of God. Spirituality becomes a boring and monotonous enterprise. The season of Lent comes and goes, but nothing really changes. It doesn't have to be that way.

Let me tell you the story of a lady I met the other day. She is 60 year old widow; she attends daily mass and receives communion. She never dated for years, until she met this nice guy and they fell in love and he wanted to marry her. But there was a problem. He is a divorcee. The Catholic church does not approve of divorce and if you marry a divorcee, you cannot receive communion.

So she was in a dilemma. She could not imagine not being able to receive communion for the rest of her life; but she also wanted to marry this man. So she went to see her parish priest. Unfortunately, the priest was so legalistic and could not think outside the rules of church. He told her that if she married this man, she should not receive communion. She was devastated.

So this nice lady, wanted a second opinion. She approached a priest who was a friend. And that priest told her: “I can't marry you in the church, but get married elsewhere and let me see what I can do?” So, she found a protestant minister, who blessed her marriage in the club house of her condo.

The next day, the couple came to the church, the priest took them inside gave them a blessing and gave her permission to receive communion. But told her, “Don't tell anyone that I did this for you”

The woman was very confused. She told me that every time she approached the communion table, she was afraid and uncomfortable, worrying and wondering if Jesus would approve of her and come into her heart.

What is going on here? The first priest, in his mind, could not reconcile the reality of divorce and communion at the same time; The second priest did so, but was not comfortable about it; They were thinking in either or categories. They could not think of both. Their minds were mired in the teachings of the church rather than the teachings of Jesus, which can be contradictory at times.

Let us see what would Jesus do in such a situation? Lets check the gospels: In Mk: 10: 11, Jesus clearly says that divorce is bad;

“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her” and according to the Bible, adultery is a sin that deserves to be punished by stoning to death. . Based on that passage, the priest concluded that this woman has sinned and she cannot receive communion.

Now read the story of the Samaritan woman in John chapter 4. What is Jesus doing there?Against the consternation of his disciples and the utter surprise of the woman herself, Jesus enters into a dialogue with her. A man talking with a woman in public is bad enough; But here is a Jew talking to a gentile, which is scandalous. And she is a divorcee too, which makes it beyond the pale of a holy man. She is not just divorced once, but five times, and the man she is now living with is not even her husband.
So, Jesus who teaches against divorce can at the same time, enters into a dialogue with a woman who is divorced five times; Jesus could do this because he had a mind that was open to the mercies of God; the mysteries of our existence, and the possibility of change; This is the Jesus I want to get know; this is the Jesus I want to follow; this is the Jesus I want to worship, a Jesus who can entertain the opposites in life, a Jesus who can deal with contradictions in life, a Jesus with a wide open maind that can accommodate the complex realities of complicated lives.

Let me add a word about the lady in the story. Why would she even go the priest to get permission to receive Jesus? This is because, in her thinking, the priest “controls” whom Jesus go to. How absurd is that? If she were to “change her thinking” and believe that the Jesus who came to seek not the just but the sinners would have come to her heart, she could have received communion.

William James, the most famous American spiritual writer of the century said this: “The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can change his life simply by changing the attitude of his mind”

I just finished reading the biography of Steve Jobs by Walter Issacson. It is a huge book with nearly 700 pages. Steve Jobs was a genius often compared to Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. He had a phrase he always used when talking to his employees at Apple: “Think different.” (Grammatically it should be think differently, because it is an adverb). But Jobs wanted it to be “Think Different.” to be “different” I guess.

Instead of thinking of the cell phone as a devise just to make calls (that is the traditional thinking about the phone) he wanted to think different. As a result he made the phone into a devise to listen to music, take pictures, browse the internet, send and receive emails, play games, cook your dinner, mow your lawn and more, ( I just made up the last two)..the I phone..Steve Jobs used his mind to think different and brought into this world some very exciting products to change our lives in the ways we connect, communicate and interact.

Our excitement and innovation does not have to be confined to the material realm. Our spiritual life can be exciting too, if we are willing to repent; if we are willing to think different about our pre-conceived ideas about God, and Jesus and the Bible and life itself.

Very often, our minds are narrow, judgmental, opinionated, suspicious, revengeful, stubborn, small and even closed. As a result, we feel like victims, we see world as a hostile place, and experience life as a struggle. It doesn't have to be that way. Change your thinking and change your life; In Gospel terms, Repent; As Apostle Paul would say, put on the Mind of Xt and be transformed!

(Sermon delivered by Dr. Paul Veliyathil, Royal Palm Christian Church, Coral Springs, FL 33071, on March 25, 2012)